LEWIS HOWES: Yeah, because he hasn’t been able to express that in other ways, or he doesn’t know how to.
ESTHER PEREL: That’s right. So in those situations, I would say, “Do you need sex to be in a good-” No, you don’t. But when it is part of your vocabulary, it’s like, “Do you need to eat certain things in order to-” No, you can live on a lot of things. It depends which is the life you want to lead. I am less interested in sex, the performance, that’s for sure. I am interested in the erotic connection, in the intimacy, in the pleasure that people can experience with each other. Getting it done is really not an important thing. You can have junkfood and you can have junk sex. And it leaves you with a bad aftertaste.
LEWIS HOWES: Very bad, yeah. Wow. In your sessions with couples, and mostly with couples or is it one of the pair? Is it mostly individuals or-
LEWIS HOWES: What is the percentage of male and female infidelity? Are you saying it’s pretty much right now and both sides are doing it equally as much or is it [inaudible]?
ESTHER PEREL: I think the gap is closing. Everywhere you look, the gap is closing. And that means it’s not men who are doing more of it necessarily, but we know that women for the first time are leaving their home. They’re going to conferences, too, they have jobs away from home. You need to have a certain space away-that’s what he had. The thing that maybe we need to add [inaudible] because it needs to be said. When you have a conversation about infidelity, it sometimes looks as if you’re justifying it. You could be justifying it, and I think that understanding isn’t justifying.
ESTHER PEREL: Yes. To try to understand something isn’t a way to make it right. (more…)